“Very Vapid Vegetables Vent Viciously”
Those words displayed upon the sign, warned the adventurers to keep away from crossing the border marked with a red line upon the green soil. The whole scene was very amusing to Zekhen, but the job came first; his contractor was effusive about this mission or at least that’s what he remembered; not like he cared, anyway.
The desert elf was on foot, guiding his horse to follow him by the reins. The very second he crossed the border, his legs became unable to sustain his weight anymore as if he was ten times heavier – eventually he fell flat on his face, savoring a nice piece of dirt; his face started to itch. Gravity turned itself against him. It remained hostile for another good couple of minutes, before he managed enough strength within his arms to push himself to his feet. The itch intensified with each passing second.
Big was his surprise, when finally found his footing, Zekhen was surrounded by a small army consisted of sentient vegetab les; they were quite a itch in the butt…
“Commander Cabbage!” the Tomato shouted, “commander Cabbage, it repeated with even a stronger voice, come forth we have discovered two trespassers!”
“On the Order of the Holy Carrot, a humanoid… a horse too…” The commander rep lied, with even more surprise in his voice than his Tomato fellow.
Zekhen attempted to rub his eyes to get rid of the itch, also to pinch himself to see if he was dreaming, but as you expected, the gravity did not allow it, as if it was delighting in seeing the man’s face itch. Suddenly he felt something poking into the small of his back, a stinging sensation, forcing him to advance deeper into the realm of the vegetables. Being ten times heavier, he stumbled to almost squash the life out of the diminutive creatures; he walked as if he suffered a pulverize from a hippopotamus, an itch taking over his behind, or something more like pain… no, it was an itch for sure.
“Such a gracious man, I’m sure he will swing just as nicely in the cooking bowl.”
What?! They were going to cook him? “On the mighty desert, everyone is out to get me today!!! This itch too… I must think…”
“Bath him in our best human wine!” The commander demanded. The vegetables started to throw red wine at him, (or that’s what they named it) one after another for two minutes; from head to toe the poor guy was drenched in wine. The wine tasted just like blood, no wonder why, they drained the crimson out of humans to create their wine, as humans drained the grapes to make their own. It made sense to Zekhen, he seemed to be in a distant dimension… Damn that itch, it was intensified by the wine that covered his face, he hated that itch, he will remember it every day there after as the most annoying itch he ever had. Given the opportunity, he instinctively brought his nose near his armpits checking himself for perspiration , making it seem as if he was trying to get rid of the itch that bothered his face.
“Before you cook me, I want to say that it is not my fault for trespassing your territory, a certain guy, Tim… the Enchanter, that’s it! Tim the Enchanter has sent me here, he approached me a few days ago, he’s one mysterious guy, he often glanced from left to right.” He shook his head, it came hard for him to make any sense with this itch that was annoying him… “So yeah, I say we should cook Tim instead, it’s his fault, that shifty dude!!!” A frown appeared on his drenched face. “Oh yeah, do any of you know any cure for this itch I’m having?” Frustrated…
Zekhen awoke from the strangest dream he ever head without the itch or being cooked. Iye, his white horse was frustrated at the man because he hasn’t been given it any water that day. Instead of doing that, he drifted off to snooze.
Iye awoke its master with a precise hit of its rear hooves into his stomach making him spit out some crimson. He took a note in his mind to justify any bruises that might have appeared afterwards on his stomach, something to tell the others to avoid. "I forgot to give it water for a day, so the horse took its revenge."