The seven mercenaries watched as the two combatants came at each other.
Rabbits of the battlefield, their actions involved short bursts of intensity followed by calculated pauses. One flashed her arms, summoning a firey pheonix, while the other created moving shadows.
Hanz displayed his disapproval, flinging a rotten tomato with all his inhebriated might. "Boo! Stop summoning birds! Pull out your sword! Stab each other already! I wanna see blood, dash it!" Finding his hands on a
cabbage, he loosed
that towards the arena as well, though its flight faltered, dropping onto the spectators in the first row of bleechers. Just as the vegetables, his
effusive invective failed to find its mark on the combatants, who no doubt couldn't hear him yelling from over the roar of the audience.
"Hey, Hanz," Edo shouted, bringing the big drunks head spinning, "Stop wasting vegetables, you drunk!
Holy hell, save something, at least a
carrot or two, for everyone else!"
"This wine is the shiz-nit," Jufu said, nudging Jaz in the shoulder to change subjects, "Here try some, Jaz."
(20)
Jaz groggily looked up, the alcoholic buzz bluring his vision. "Huh? What's up
Patrick?"
Jufu's head bobbed drunkenly. "Huh? My name ain't Patrick."
"Oh, yeah, sorry Jufu, you're shirt reminds me of my old friend Patrick, he went for the wine too."
"Here, check this wine though. It's the shiz-nit!"
Jaz shifted his beer to his right hand, taking the bottle from the man with left, as much to shut him up as out of desire to drink wine. Upended the bottle, taking a long satifying gulp. Lacking refined taste, Jaz thought
the wine tasted just like fermented grapes. Predictable, given that's what wine was made from. Not tasting anything special, he was tempted to shrug, but decided instead to amuse his comrade in arms. "
I agree. Tastes great," he said sarcastically.
"Aw, give it back," Jufu said, swiping the bottle out of Jaz's grasp, "Can't trust a half-elf to appreciate a good wine."
Jaz huffed. "Don't give me that attitude, I'm not in the mood."
"What's gotten you all cranky today? Loosen up! Freakin' party!"
(40)
"Meh. Aside from being drunk, I had this wierd dream last night..."
"Oh,
please tell me about it. I'm a licensed Dream Diviner."
"Really?"
"Yes.
No, you idiot, I'm just being sarcastic. But that's not the point. What happened in this dream of yours?"
"
We all died."
"That sucks. Well, my prescription is to drink more. You'll be alright."
"
I guess you're right." Jaz tossed back his canteen to down some more ale.
*****
A wandering vendor wearing a blue outfit with a matching hat moved among the bleechers to make his rounds. "Popped cahn, getcha popped cahn he'eh! Churros, hahtdahgs, chocolate bahs! Getcha popped corn he'eh!"
(60)
"Popped corn?" Asked the man on his right, Rodri the axefighter, as he took another swing of beer from his canteen.
"Yeah, you know, popped corn? Corn. Plus water. They cook it, it pops."
""Huh," Jaz remarked, "Sounds odd."
"You know what's better?"
"What?"
"Hey, guy!" He shouted at the vendor, who began moving in the direction of the mercenaries. "Yah got live squid?"
"Sure do. Straight from the Island."
"Lemme get two, please."
"He'eh yah go boyo. Two gold pieces." The concessionaire said, forking a pair of (80) baby squid from a container that was latched to his belt.
"
Live.
Squid?" Jaz couldn't believe his eyes, watching as the little cephalopods dropped squirming into Rodri's hands.
"All the rage on Hauhidar Island," Rodri, the axeman said with a mean grin.
"You're kidding me."
Rodri forced one into Jaz's unsuspecting hands. "Nope. Freakin' awesome."
Jaz sat back in amazment, feeling the squishy little thing thrash about in his palm. "How are you supposed to eat it? Doesn't it wiggle?"
"Just toss it in your mouth. Chomp on it, gulp it down."
"Sounds homoerotic. Don't the tenticles get stuck on your tongue?"
"The idea is that you don't give it the chance. Watch." Rodri tossed the thing into his mouth, chomping hard once then gulping the creature down. Rodri finished (100)with an emphatic smacking of his lips. "Yum"
"Oh, good lord."
"Don't knock it until you try it."
"Famous last words."
"Come on, live a little."
"Here goes nothing."
The squid, eyes bobbing, flailed its whip-like tentacles as Jaz's teeth decended on its rubbery flesh. He gave the longest swallow he had ever experienced, the
creature dropping down the esophagal hatch down into the beer-filled
hole below. Distracted from the effort, Jaz lost track of his other bodily functions, releasing flatulance with a slight burp of his rear end. His face redenning from the struggle with the squid as much as his bowel movement, he
casually sniffed the air to see if anyone would notice his momentary indiscretion.
(120)"
Smelling great kid," Rodri said with a smirk, letting Jaz know he wasn't fooling anyone.
"Thanks," he said before returning to the conversation at hand. "Sweet lord that thing was awful. I think I can feel it moving in my stomach."
"Don't worry about that. Your stomach acids will kill it in a few minutes. Just drink more, you'll be alright."
"Great," Jaz reached under the bench for his canteen, needing some fresh beer to wash it down. His hand found only air. He looked down, searching for his beverage holder.
Hey, where'd my canteen go?"
"Ach, the oother laddie took et," the Dwarf said, swinging around Rodri but jesturing to where Ponti, the balding heavily tatooed swordsman had been sitting.
"What? Where'd
he go?"
"Hey guys, look what I got!" Ponti's voice rang out.
(140)Jaz cut off any other serious reply. "What did you do with my canteen, you bilge rat?"
"Sold it for this magical hammer!" Ponti said, holding up a palm sized maul.
"What?"
"Yeah, got a deal from that shady guy over there.
Tim the Enchanter, I think his name was." The tatooed fellow waved a thumb at one of the kiosk vendors, a fellow with a grey beard, wearing a strange hat outfitted with rams horns.
"You traded my canteen for a novety hammer?" Jaz's voice dimmed as he shivered with rage, his eyes glancing from the bald mercenary to the vendor.
"No, no! It's magical!" The tatooed mercenary yelped appologetically, "He said it's so powerful it could
pulverize a hippopotamus!"
"Gimme that," Jaz said, climbing out of his seat. Abetted by his drunken stupor, Jaz's feet tangled on the bench, preventing him properly directing his inertia. He (160) tumbled over,
crashing down face first into the aisle, smashing his nose on the concrete floor. He reached out with his hand, trying to gain purchase to leverage himself back up. Unfortunately, all his hand found was Edo's beer mug, knocking the goblet over resulting in the
emptying of its contents on his head. Jaz gagged at the smell of his ale-drenched hair. Seeing him struggle, his comrades laughed heartily, then pitched in a hand to aid him.
Having helpful hands happily helping him up, Jaz quickly got back to his feet. He shook his head, ensuring that the other mercenaries, along with quite a few other people sitting nearby, recieved a spray of the liquid in return.
"I think you need to quit drinking, Jaz," Hanz commented.
"
I agree," It was all Jaz could think about as he nursed his nose.
*****
"Hey, you," Jaz said, walking up on Tim The Enchanters's kiosk. He pointed at his canteen, which sat prominantly on the table. "Gimme my canteen back."
The enchanter turned, smiling at him with a mischevious grin. "Sorry, chummer," Tim said with a smile, crossing his arms, "No refunds. A deal's a deal. All sales are final."
"I'll give you final." Jaz flipped the table over, then shoved the startled Tim with all the aggression he could pull out of his drunken spirit. Tim toppled backwards, knocking more chinsy items off the kiosk's interior walls. An elven carpet fell to (180) the floor behind his head.
"Hey, what the hell you arse!" Tim screamed in terror, "I'm calling the guards!"
Jaz walked up, lashing out a hard kick the fallen Tim full in the chest. The wind drove from Tim's lungs with a verbalized cough. Stealing from mercenaries was always bad idea. So Tim learned his leason.
He never did that again.
"Glad we could have this discussion," Jaz said, picking up his canteen. Jaz dropped the hammer next to Tim's face, turned, then walked away. He had a fight to watch. Or, at least, get drunk
during.